MOM

 She was my angel, soulmate, best friend, partner in crime, listening ear, soft spot to land, woman.  She is my Mom!

On August 20th, 2022 we lost her.  And although she was 90 years old she was still active and spry and fun…which made the loss cut even deeper.

In August of 2021 she had a lump grow on her head.  We had it immediately seen to and it was removed along with a node near her ear.  The dermatologist assured us that the borders were clear and they got all the cancer that they found.

In April of 2022 she had another lump appear on her head.  And she has started feeling bad, having horrible hot flashes and feeling weak after they passed. Her head would hurt and her breathing became slightly labored.  

After a couple of months Melissa took her to the dermatologist ( a new one) and he removed it.  On July 18 Mom was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma.  The doctor told her she had only “months” to live.  😭

That day a part of me died.  I could not believe that soon my Mom would be gone and I would have to try and figure out how to go on without one of my best friends and favorite pal.

I left for Albuquerque 2 days later.  I was blessed to be able to spend the last month of her life with her, along with a rotating group of siblings.

She passed peacefully with some of us holding her hand and that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I miss her so much.  So very much.  Words cannot express the deep ache that I have in my heart.  

Mom was one in a million.  I have learned at her feet so many wonderful ways to live.  I am far from perfect but I am trying.  

I am so grateful that I had her by my side.  She was my pillar, my rock, my guide, my guard, my teacher, my friend.  And now, my Angel.  

Mom, I love you and miss you so much.  Until we meet again, I will hold you in my heart and treasure the life we had together. ❤️

Oh what a….day after day after day

And the days turn into months and the months turn into years.  Time is funny, isn’t it?  When you’re waiting for a result or an important phone call or for someone to get home, time seems to stand still, but when you’re having fun with friends or family or you’re on that dream vacation, time just takes note and moves faster than usual!

The Beehive journey has been one of a very hard nature!  

We’ve managed through COVID and a snow storm that shut down power and off water for 4 days straight.  ( looooong days and nights….)we’ve also managed through much turnover with staff and also residents.  After all, we are in the “to-go” business.

It’s been almost 3 years since we started this adventure, seems like yesterday and also many years ago.  Time-don’t stand still but also, don’t run.

They are HIS children

There is probably nothing in this world that offers as much joy and satisfaction as our families!  But, like everything else in this world, there has to be opposition.  Sooooo, there is also probably nothing in this world that offers as much heartache and worry as our families.  Am I right?  Please say it's not just me that has these thoughts!

As I have been thinking about some things that our family is going through right now, and especially some kids of mine, I was praying and asking Heavenly Father for the usual favors that I ask of Him regarding my offspring (which is plenty and often, let me tell you)...I immediately had the soft answer come into my head that whispered "they are my children, I am aware of them, you aren't alone.".....................WHEW!!!!

I had a warm and comforting feeling envelope me.  I know that this is true.  I am NOT alone, I am NEVER alone.  

They are HIS children.  I will ask Him next if they are too old for me to spank.  I think they need one, or two.

Promises and Patriarchal blessings

This is a sacred topic!  I love my Patriarchal blessing and I get it out frequently so that I can be reminded of the promises that are mine if I am faithful and steadfast!  I also like to be reminded of the warnings and the counsel that are contained in it!

There is one part of my blessing that has always felt like such a heavy responsibility.  I recognize the HUGE blessing that it is!  I really do.  But I am a frail and weak human who isn't always perfect (not even close) with prayer.

Here is the part:

"through your prayers you might call down blessings that might not otherwise come to your family"

I have often wondered if I would know exactly what blessings came as a result of my prayers, that might not otherwise come.  

As I was thinking on these things this week, a thought came to me that one of the times the prayer that was offered, was a prayer that saved my sons life.  I don't know what he was doing or where he was, but because I had offered a prayer, Heavenly Father, as He promised, answered that prayer for me.  The incident happened more that 2 months ago, but just this morning, when I was ready to listen, I received that witness!

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has such confidence and faith in his children!  I am grateful for the promises that are sure.  I love Him.  I am mindful of the many blessings that are poured down upon me on a daily basis!

 

Weekend Plans

Yesterday Jordan and I sanded down the stair railing prepping it for a fresh coat of stain! After 4 years of the nasty that was on there before and because Leon is on the High Adventure trip with the Scouts I thought this was a perfect weekend to get this project done!!! So I am headed to Lowe's for stain and supplies! I will post before and after pics!

I think I will offer to watch my favorite little person tonight, Titan. He is so stinkin cute, he makes me laugh everyday!!!

Tomorrow my sweetie comes home from the Lake and I can't wait!! I think we will try and squeeze a little date in when he gets home (and showers, of course!)

So there are the most exciting plans for the weekend! Monday is girls camp so I will write about those adventures next week when I return!

Happy Weekend !!!

Accepting the Lords will

This has been heavy on my mind the last few days.  What exactly does it mean to "accept the Lord's will"?  How does one even begin?

I imagine that if we put all of our trials....sadness and disappointments, discouragements and heartaches all in a heap, we might be able to build a mountain.  

A mountain that can serve as our lofty look out when we realize that we have endured all those many things that the Lord has asked of us.  We can claim our spot on the top with gladness and with rejoicing that we made it!

Is this what it means?  That if we accept what the Lord is asking of us, and we endure it well (which is not always the easiest thing to do) we can sit on the top of His mountain, with Him and be glad and rejoice?  I think so.  

He knows what we are made of, He made us!!  He knows that we can trudge through those stormy nights in the rain and mud, with the wind in our faces and still come out on the other side where the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming and the grass is green!  He KNOWS WE CAN DO IT!!!

Climb your mountain!  Do it with pride, knowing that you have those at your back pushing you and cheering you on, and others in the front, beckoning you to continue, and yet others at your side, namely the Savior, who never leaves us alone, holding your hand and gently leading you along! 

Accepting His will doesn't mean that we have to always be cheerful and pretend that life isn't hard.  It doesn't mean that it will make our trials easier or even better, go away!!!  No, it means quietly taking His hand as He guides us, bravely trusting as He teaches us!

Just to be willing

So this week has proven to be quite interesting in many ways.  But, for the sake of this post, I will concentrate on one word that sums it all up quite nicely.  Willing.

I was asked if I could pick up my HT and his wife at the airport on a busy Tuesday afternoon, I said that of course I could.

I received a text from a mother who needed a ride home from Seminary for her daughter and one other on an early Thursday morning.  Both in the same week. 

I am happy to be of service, especially knowing that I have been asking a lot of favors of the Lord lately.  A LOT.

So, on Tuesday morning I received a text saying that my HT and his wife are stranded in Wyoming because of storms.  I wouldn't be needing to pick them up.

On that same Tuesday afternoon I received another text saying that the mother of the girls needing a ride home figured something else out and I wouldn't be needing to take them home.

I do believe that sometimes just be willing allows the Lord to understand our hearts and shows him that we are available...that we are grateful.. and that we are willing...willing to lift one another and bear one another's burdens.

I am glad that this week I was willing and, although I didn't do anything, the Lord knows that He can count on me to be at least that.

September 4, 2015...Heaven gained a son

 September 4, 2015.  I was out in the front yard laying sod down with Leon.  I had taken a break to come inside and call my Mom to check on her and Dad.  There was no answer. I didn't think much of it as sometimes she is otherwise occupied taking care of things for Dad.

About and 1 1/2 hours later my cell phone rang.   I thought that she had noticed that I had tried to reach her and she was returning the call.  I answered the phone and on the other end, in a quiet, but peaceful voice, she said to me "Jenn, I think your Dad is gone."  
I remember feeling weak in my knees and short of breath and crying to her "no, no, Mom, he is not gone, he can't be gone, not yet."  

My Mom had spent many years in the service of my Dad and she was the best nurse, cook, cleaner and bed maker there ever was!  We always laughed and told her she earned her Ph D in nursing, taking care of Dad all those years!  He had had a stroke about 25 years earlier which started a major decline in his health, although slow.  

I think of how my Dad silently taught me many things:   Respect my elders.  Never judge someone by their "covers".  Never, ever be late.  Don't be idle.  Be strong and independent.  Don't talk bad about anyone. To put on panty hose, scrunch up the whole leg in your hand and start at the toes! 
He also taught me lessons that weren't so silent.  Stay at the table until everyone is done eating, then ASK to be excused.  Do not burp, or toot or blow your nose at the table while others are eating.  You will have 15 minutes on the phone and then you will be done!

Dad lived so many years in a broken body, but he never let it break his spirit.  He tried his hardest to be happy and pleasant, although some days he just couldn't do it, so instead, he would stay in bed.

Although his passing was more peaceful than we could have imagined or asked for, it is still hard to think that my Dad is gone.  Some days it just hurts.  I want so badly to call him on the phone and hear him say "what, honey, I couldn't hear you."!!  And I would repeat 3 more times!!!

I am so grateful that he is no longer confined to a bent, and worn out body.  How beautiful to know that he is free and able!  What a blessing!  I love you Dad and I miss you more than words!  Until we meet again!

Jenn

A wee one

Last Monday, August 11, 2014 at 10:01 in the morning a new little was born into our family.  Her name?  Morgan Mae Sikora.  Her game?  Getting us to love and squeeze on her 24/7..and it's working..her game plan is a good one!

I am so in love with that little!  She is the cutest, smallest bundle of joy!  I know that I am a bit partial, but really, she is perfect. It's true.

Jordan and Hannah are proving to be wonderful parents and they are so in love with her, too.  Imagine that.  They keep saying how they never thought they could love someone (besides each other) so much.  It's true.  I remember feeling the very same way when all of my babies were born.  And then the grands come and you love them just the same!  What a great circle of love!

So that is the good and exciting news on my home front!  Always such a wonderful feeling to welcome a new one to the family!

5 weeks until another little joins us!  Man, this is the life!

A man and his scooter

This man I call "Dad", his scooter, "trusty".  He has been without legs (not in the literal sense) for about 20 years or so.  A person might think that after that long your wheels become your legs and you adapt accordingly.  But not MY Dad.  He likes to challenge that scooter and his legs and my Moms patience!!!

2 days ago, while my Mom was gone to the doctor, he went outside to water the lawn (which is a no-no, being outside while Mom is gone...it's been a battle for years....).  As he was rolling along to get to the hose, he noticed one of their turtles moseying along and he swerved to miss him, and an overcorrection later, his trusty scooter dumped him out like a bag of rocks onto the hot, hard and non forgiving cement sidewalk.  Luckily ( if there is any luck to be had here) he was dumped face up and not face down!

All the while, my Mom is waiting at the doctors office feeling anxious and nervous because it is taking a lot longer than it should and normally does.  After about an hour, she finally gets called back into the room.  And waits.  And waits. She askes the nurse if anyone has walked out because it was taking too long.  The nurse assures her that she is next.  45 minutes later the doctor comes in to see my Mom.  20 minutes later they leave his office another 20 minutes later, they are home.

My Mom goes to look for my Dad and  sees my Dads trusty out in the backyard but does not see my Dad.  She peers out the kitchen window only to see him laying there, still.  She runs out the back door and yells to my niece to call 911.  

My Dad had been "dumped " for about 3  hours in the hot 100 degree sun, waiting, waiting and more waiting  for someone to get home to help.  He was barely responsive.

Heatstroke, bad sunburn, blisters and a badly bruised ankle were the first to rear their ugly heads.  Then came the fever, chills, lethargy, hallucinations.  Diagnosis:  Pnuemonia.  

Today he is responding to treatment, but I am not sure that he will be able to fully recover from his injuries.  My Dad is a great man who has had many a difficulty in his life. He has had many challenges to overcome, many battles to fight.  I know that his body is tired.  I know that he has put up a good fight.  If it is the Lord's will, I hope he can continue to fight, if it is not the Lord's will, I hope that we can find the courage to accept his will and continue to live a life Dad would be proud of.  I love you Dad!

Bones

Today I heard a great saying at it goes like this:

Everyone needs 3 bones to get through life, a backbone, a wishbone and a funny bone.  

Do you have all those bones covered?  (and I don't mean with skin...)

My life in 2 words: whirling derbish...

I wonder just exactly what I would give to go back to the days when I worried about dirty diapers and feeding schedules, changing sheets because someone was sick all night.  Up late rocking babies to sleep, singing lullabies and reading them stories.  Getting minions to school and karate and piano and basketball.  To the days of having our littles gathered around our knees at night to pray and to read scriptures and to feel of the spirit that was strong in our home.  Our lives were intact and they seemed almost perfect!

Those days are gone and with them the pure faith of children and the innocence of youth.

The best way to describe the past 2 years of my life is like this:  a whirling derbish that has left behind a mass of destruction.  There are pieces laying all over the landscape of my life that I am not sure will ever get put back together.  And even if they do, will they get put back together right?  It's a fear that I live with every.single.day.

Even though life seemed much more simple back then, and I wish that I didn't have to endure some things, the lessons that have accompanied the last couple of years have proven to be invaluable to me.  I have learned that true growth comes only through hard trials that make us work to understand who we really are, and what we are really willing to do to become like our Savior. And as the silversmith who works with his refining fire, he is not done until he can see his reflection in the silver. So it is with our Master, he is not finished with us until he can see his image in us.

The derbish continues to whirl but I will continue to hang on!  I'm stubborn like that!

Violating...should be a violation!

Last week I had to go for a mammogram...otherwise known as a "boob squish"!! Oh the joy! Us women have it good when it comes to body parts, don't we??? I think in the next life there will be justice..I am counting on it!


After returning home from Kileen, I was having extreme tooth pain in the back molar area. Oh geez! I am still having such fun! So early in the morning they "squeezed" (little pun for above goodness) me in. Dentist fishes around and numbs and prods and pulls and pokes then says "you need a root canal" Oh is this fun EVER gonna end??? NO!!!

Same day: Another bilateral mammo and ulatrasound! So, prodding in the mouth and squishing and pulling and cold gel down there on those things...

The only word that kept coming to my mind was ....violated! Yes, I had been violated! An attitude check would say that is is all for a good cause! Need to keep those teeth and....those things....healthy!

I see London, I see France....

Not really...BUT... I did see someones underpants...

And here is how the story goes.....

We have a good friend ( who is really Leon's good friend, adopted by me) whose name is Mark. He is a helicopter pilot and has degenerative disks in his back from flying for 32 years. Because of the pain, he requires an epidural shot to his back every 6 months. Before the shot, they give him Valium and because of that he is not allowed to drive home. Now the stage is set....

He called me and told me that his wife was going to be out of town and asked if I would I be willing to take him to the doctor. Of course, I would. Act of service. Friends help friends. He would do the same for me. You get the picture.

Mark arrived at my house and he drove us TO the doctors office. In the waiting room, he informs me that I have to go into the room with him...............uh, excuse me????

The conversation went something like this
Mark: You have to go with me into the room.
Me: Uh, why?
Mark: In case I faint
Me: What if I faint?
Mark: You won't

So I think by now you get a little idea about where this story is going. We get escorted back to the "room". A male nurse ( murse, as we loving refer to them) comes in and THAT conversation went like this:

Nurse: Can I ask the relationship here? I ask because Mark has to undress
Mark: Looks at me
Me: Look at Mark with bugged out eyes
Mark: Uh......
Me: Pals, we are pals
Mark: She can turn her head
Me: MORTIFIED

The guys face was priceless. I think he felt so awkward but let me assure you that he wasn't the only one feeling that way.

The "murse" hands Mark his little paper gown and out the door he goes.
I promptly turn my head and cover my face with my book (thank you John Bytheway). I hear crinkling and tugging and rustling and then Mark announces that he is done. He jumps up on the table and I guess now I am supposed to have a normal conversation with him while he lounges in his "gown". Oh boy.

They finally come and get him and take him to another room to administer the shot. I think hard about running out of the room before he returns. But I am too late. As quickly as they had taken him, they returned him!

Same scenario only in the reverse. Paper rattles, wrinkles and crinkles and finally he is clothed.

As we walk to the car I gently tell him that I think our relationship has risen to a whole new level...and that he owes me BIG!!!!!

As my Mom said, "who but you, Jenn, who but you?" I agree.

February 29, 2012 and 9/11/2001

You are probably wondering what these two things have in common. Until today, absolutely nothing.

We got word early this morning that a good friend of ours was killed in a car accident in Albuquerque. He was such a good man. And had such a good family. He leaves behind 6 children and a wonderful wife.

After we heard the tragic news, I wanted to gather all of the people that I love so much and hold them tight and tell them just how much I love them. Didn't you feel that way on 9/11? Such loss and heartache draws us close to those we love and count on.

Prayers to our sweet friends, The Moss Family. I hope that they feel the Saviors loving arms around them as they pick up the pieces and try to go forward.

On clearance for......$1.07

I thought I was worth a lot more than $1.07, until today that is.

I was at one of my favorite stores, Hobby Lobby, browsing the clearance section...making sure that I did not miss anything that might need to go home with me! ( because we all know that I need more STUFF)!!

I looked at every little piece of goodness, sticking my head far into the shelving, digging around for treasures!

I wandered around to see what else might jump in my cart. Home Accents, Spring, Mirrors, Lamps, yes, I made laps around that store!

Next, I made my way to the fabric ( which was the intended destination in the first place). As I neared a rack of buttons, a Hobby Lobby employee looked up at the side of my head and said "uh, ma'am" .... I am not gonna lie, for a second I though there was a huge hairy spider in my hair...as she reached up to my head she continued, "you have a clearance sticker in your hair..and it is worth $1.07."

My mind quickly retraced all the steps that I had taken around that store...with the beautiful bright yellow tag hanging off the side of my head!!

Ha ha ha ha ha oh well. At least it wasn't a spider!!!

So far....sooooo good!!!

I am so happy to report that so far this year we have had wonderful and glorious happenings!!!

We have had some triumphs with the hard trial that I mentioned in my last post. BIG triumphs! I am so very happy with the way that things are going. Oh how I KNOW that my Savior lives and loves me. I have been strengthened and buoyed up like never before. I am so very grateful for the lessons I have learned and for hope in a brighter tomorrow!

Oh and the other piece of news involves a sweet little angel named Claire! I was able to be in Phoenix when Lauren had baby Claire. What a doll. I am so in love with that beautiful girl! I got to spend 2 wonderful weeks with that sweet little family! I am so eternally (that is a long time) grateful for them and for their hospitality. Lauren and Derek are very gracious and caring and thoughtful and kind. I hated to leave but knew that it was time! You know what they say, "relatives are like fish, after 3 days they begin to stink"! HA HA HA I REALLY must have stunk!!!!

I am so thankful for so much in my life. My bucket is full! I have a great husband who works so hard for our family and honors his Priesthood! I have wonderful children (that includes my sons-in-law, because they are like my very own). I have 3 beautiful and sweet grand babies who I completely adore! I have a future daughter-in-law who I love so much too! She just fits in so perfectly!

Life can be so hard sometimes but I am grateful for the challenges as they allow the sun to shine a little brighter when the clouds part!

Oh what a year!

2011 was a good year...but it was a HARD year. I don't think that I am the only one that thinks so either...and if I am, don't tell me.

It started out with the birth of our second grandson, Sheridan and Garrett's baby, Sawyer. He was the highlight of our 2011. He still is a highlight! What a character! He keeps us all giggling!

The "valleys" of last year include these hard things:

I lost and Aunt and Uncle (because they couldn't live without each other they died exactly a week apart). Their son also passed away of a suspected heart attack at the young age of 60.

I lost a favorite Uncle...Uncle Bud. I loved that man so much. He could light up a room just by smiling.

I lost another cousin to a drug overdose the day before Christmas Eve. And sadly enough within that same family, her sister's husband shot himself on Christmas Eve.

AND, I had one of the hardest trials that I have had to endure in my life so far. As you can tell, it was a HARD year. BUT, I learned many wonderful lessons AND I felt my Saviors love burning strong. Many miracles and tender mercies have come to pass. I am so grateful for my Savior who provides us with opportunities to grow and to become like him so that we can return to him someday.

I am coming to understand the phrase "refiners fire" a little better now. I appreciate the way that our Savior loves us enough to help us smooth off the rough edges of our "natural man" so that we may fully enjoy the blessings that are in store for us.

Welcome 2012! I hope this year is a little less eventful than last year!!!!

One word: Seminary

I LOVE TEACHING SEMINARY! I really do. Some people think I am nuts. ( I am, but that is not why)!
It is the best calling in the whole church! Who doesn't love spending time with our awesome youth and feeling of their spirits every morning? They are incredible.

I love learning with them and watching them grow spiritually. There is almost nothing in this world like it!

But as a consequence, I don't get too many other things accomplished! I get engrossed in the planning of lessons and activities and reading for fun or perusing the internet to stalk blogs or write on my own doesn't really happen. So when I don't get much done, there is only one word: Seminary!

Oh well. Life is good ! I will keep setting my alarm and crawling out of bed to get dressed up to hurry off to the church to greet my cute little students!

All the way to Georgia

I did not expect that what started out as a vacation and visit to see Lauren would turn out to be one of the best things that has happened to me in a while!

It was such a great time for all of us! Lauren has a beautiful place to call "home" (for now) and she has a lot of fun stuff to do close by! We shopped and ate and toured and laughed and cried and did a 1000 piece puzzle all in 3 days. It was so much fun! I absolutely loved all the green scenery. I think I could get used to that!!!

On Saturday, Laurens ward had a Pioneer Day Celebration, so we decided to go and see where she went to church and meet some of the people in her ward. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we went, because we debated the issue!

Collette, a lady who is in the R.S Presidency,came and introduced herself to us... and at that moment only Colin and I were left at the table. We talked about her kids and my kids and what they were all doing. She said that she thought Columbus, GA was "hickish" which cracked us up. Colin was very attentive to her. She told us that she was ready to move to AZ to be near her kids. Then she was the answer to a prayer that I have prayed a very long time for. She said... "you know, as long as you are doing what you should, the Lord blesses you. There have been many times in our lives where we didn't know how we were going to sell that house, or make that move, but the Lord provided." She continued on with things like "the Lord is so mindful of us and has the big picture if we would just let him help us and let him make us into the people that he wants us to be"!

I am pretty sure that my mouth was hanging on the ground and my eyes looked like a deer in the headlights. I could not believe what I was hearing. Colin had every attentive bone in his body at attention!!!

I cannot express to you my happiness and my gratitude to her. Proof that "The Lord does hear and answer our prayers, but it is usually through another person that our needs are met".

We left the building a few minutes later. Colin said, "She was so nice". Little does he know how very nice she actually was. She was my angel. Answering my prayer.

I had to go all the way to Georgia to have a prayer answered, but I would fly to the moon if I had to!

Thank you Collette...