My life in 2 words: whirling derbish...

I wonder just exactly what I would give to go back to the days when I worried about dirty diapers and feeding schedules, changing sheets because someone was sick all night.  Up late rocking babies to sleep, singing lullabies and reading them stories.  Getting minions to school and karate and piano and basketball.  To the days of having our littles gathered around our knees at night to pray and to read scriptures and to feel of the spirit that was strong in our home.  Our lives were intact and they seemed almost perfect!

Those days are gone and with them the pure faith of children and the innocence of youth.

The best way to describe the past 2 years of my life is like this:  a whirling derbish that has left behind a mass of destruction.  There are pieces laying all over the landscape of my life that I am not sure will ever get put back together.  And even if they do, will they get put back together right?  It's a fear that I live with every.single.day.

Even though life seemed much more simple back then, and I wish that I didn't have to endure some things, the lessons that have accompanied the last couple of years have proven to be invaluable to me.  I have learned that true growth comes only through hard trials that make us work to understand who we really are, and what we are really willing to do to become like our Savior. And as the silversmith who works with his refining fire, he is not done until he can see his reflection in the silver. So it is with our Master, he is not finished with us until he can see his image in us.

The derbish continues to whirl but I will continue to hang on!  I'm stubborn like that!